Oh, no. Here comes one of them. I better get ready for the-- OUCH!
“This couch is so creaky!” I hear the monster complain. Well, of course it is!
Being a couch can be so aggravating sometimes. There are just so many things to be annoyed with-- the biggest, of course, being the humans who own you sitting on you. There are plenty other things that come with it, though. From the time you’re manufactured, to the first time someone checks your price, to the horrid journey in a truck to get home, so many things happen that I just don’t know where to begin. Although there’s much more to being a couch, I would say the three main parts are: the constant need to move, the countless information you receive, and the perdurable bit-- when someone plops down on you.
You humans are very lucky. Whenever you feel a need to move, you just do so without even thinking about it. Unfortunately, I can’t say the same for my kind. There are always humans lurking around, watching you. They will definitely notice if you move even a tiny bit, which creates an impossible situation for us. We can’t let the humans see us move. The fact that we even can is a secret that’s been closely guarded since even before we evolved from wooden chairs into the sophisticated furniture we are today. So although all we want to do is move, we can’t, thanks to the eyes that constantly watch us. Even when the humans aren’t there, there’s always a reason we can’t just get up and stretch out our creaky frames. There could be stuff on top of us (for example, what are those little puffy squares?), or maybe there’s stuff in front of or behind us that restricts our ability to move. As you can see, this aspect of being a couch certainly is incredibly irritating; it’s so hard to stay still when all you want to do is move.
Of course, the endless presence of humans does create some perks. Humans can be so careless and give away so much information without even realizing. We couches listen and watch whenever anything interesting comes our way. We know all our owners’ deepest secrets, simply because they talk about them, text about them, and do so much more that couches can see and hear. It’s truly amazing what a curious and often nosy couch can find out by just being there. Often, couches know more about the humans than they know about themselves! In that way, being a couch is great and comes with this big benefit.
Sadly, the one biggest and most obvious factor of being a couch relates back to what a couch is. Merriam-Webster Dictionary defines us as articles of furniture for sitting or reclining, which is a completely true definition. Sitting and reclining are our main purposes, and it saddens me to say that it is what we are used for. But something most humans don’t realize is that when they sit or recline, it really, really hurts! During manufacturing, we are prepared for this, but the humans in charge of making us have no idea what it’s really like-- it still hurts a lot and takes so much strength and stamina. Most couches can hardly stand it, but what choice do we have? We must bear the pain that comes from the sitting and reclining of humans-- it is our job, after all.
To sum up, being a couch can be very challenging and demanding; you must stay still all the time and bear the pain of humans using you. Fortunately, you do get all the good gossip. Most humans have no idea what being a couch is like, but I hope this helped you. So maybe the next time you decide to flop on the couch after a long day, you’ll remember this essay on the plight of couches!